Adam’s Begrudgingly Vegetarian Portabello Burgers
4 Asiago bagels from your favorite bagel shop
4 large portabello caps
Soy sauce, sake or white wine, lemon juice
Sliced white cheddar, Pecorino Romano, or in a pinch, Swiss
1. Slice bagels and spread with butter. Set aside.
2. Brush mushroom caps with olive oil. Sprinkle with kosher salt and freshly ground pepper to taste.
3. Fire up the grill and slap on the mushrooms, trying not to think about how much better a fillet would be. Grill 2 minutes or so on each side. During the last minute add the bagels to toast. Watch the bread carefully or this step could end badly.
4. Meanwhile (or before you start, depending on how adept you are at multitasking), pour into a small saucepan ~1/3 c. soy sauce, ~1/3 c. sake or white wine, and some fresh lemon juice. Please don’t press me on exact measurements; you’ll know if it’s wrong and then you just doctor it up. Let this concoction reduce for 10 minutes or so.
5. Mayo: Chop up some fresh dill or smoosh some dried dill in your hands. Add to mayo and mix. I also add a splash of lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Again, exact measurements are not really the issue here.
6. Assemble sandwiches. Bagel first, then mushroom, reduced wine sauce, romaine, cheese if desired, and a spread of mayo.
7. Present to vegetarian love interest with nonchalance, a smile, and the promise of a chocolate dessert. Make this enough times and she won’t even mind that her mushroom shares a grill with your steak.